Raising Confident Young Athletes: Key Takeaways from Our Live Webinar

CoachMap teamed up with Stewart McCully — Founder of Next Level Elite and an accredited Elite Athlete Mentor — for a free live webinar for parents of young athletes. We covered the moments every sports parent recognises: nerves before a game, tough losses, and kids comparing themselves to their teammates.

If you couldn't make it live, here are the key takeaways.

""The quality of your second thought often determines the quality of what happens next." — Stewart McCully

It Starts With the Relationship

Stewart's core message set the tone for the whole session: building a strong relationship with your child is the foundation for any meaningful support or guidance. Strategies and scripts only work if there's trust underneath them — so before anything else, the relationship comes first.

The 20/80 Rule

One of the simplest, most repeatable ideas from the session: talk 20%, listen 80%.

It's easy for a well-meaning parent to fill the silence after a game with advice, encouragement, or analysis. Stewart's suggestion is to flip that instinct — ask more, say less, and let your child lead the conversation about their own sport.

A few open questions Stewart recommended keeping in your back pocket:

• "What did you learn today?"
• "What could you have done differently?"
• "How did the team go as a whole?"

Open, curious questions like these give kids room to reflect in their own words, rather than responding to — or defending against — a parent's judgement.

Own Your Second Thought

Stewart introduced a concept from Zach Brandon, mental skills coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks (host of the podcast Win More, Live Better): the idea of owning your second thought.

First thought — your automatic reaction. It's instinctive, often negative, and not something you can fully control.

Second thought — the conscious reframe that follows. This is where training shows up, and it's a choice.

As Stewart put it, spiralling versus resetting — reacting versus responding — is the difference the second thought makes. The quality of that second thought often determines the quality of what happens next, and how quickly your child recovers from a setback.

It's a habit that can be practised anywhere, not just on the field — in the lead-up to a school test, a difficult conversation, or any moment that triggers a negative first reaction. Some athletes use a small physical cue (like a tap on the head) as a trigger to shift from the first thought to the second.

Thermometer vs Thermostat

A metaphor Stewart used to describe how parents show up emotionally around their kids:

A thermometer simply reflects the current emotional temperature — if your child is flat or frustrated, you mirror it back.

A thermostat regulates the temperature — noticing the mood in the room and actively choosing to shift it, rather than matching it.

Being a "thermostat" is a learnable skill, not a personality trait. It starts with noticing what emotional energy you're bringing into the car, the lounge room, or the sideline.

Five Strategies Worth Trying at Home

Stewart shared five practical areas parents can focus on to build a young athlete's mental game:

• Self-talk — the internal voice. The goal is coaching yourself up, not down.
• Routine — familiar steps before a game or challenge create a sense of calm and control.
• Confidence — built through preparation, not just outcomes.
• Language we use — what parents say shapes how kids feel, often more than we realise.
• Asking great questions — leading with curiosity, not judgement, especially after a game.

The One Question Worth Asking

Perhaps the most memorable moment of the session: Stewart shared that he once asked his own eight-year-old son, "What do you need from us when it comes to your sport?"

His son's answer was simple: "Just be there."

""Just be there." — the answer every sports parent needs to hear

It's a good reminder that the pressure young athletes feel often comes from well-intentioned places — and that sometimes the most supportive thing a parent can do is show up, without an agenda.

A Simple Reframe for the Car Ride Home

The car ride after a game came up as one of the trickiest moments for parents to navigate. A couple of small language shifts Stewart suggested:

Instead of "you lost," try "we didn't get the result we were after." It softens the language without avoiding the outcome.

Instead of "great game!" — which kids can often see through — try "it was fun to watch you." It's warm, honest, and doesn't pass judgement on performance.

Stewart's broader suggestion: plan your go-to phrases in advance. Deciding how you want to respond before the moment arrives makes it much easier to follow through in the car park, when emotions (yours and theirs) are running highest.

Confidence Doesn't Always Look Like Winning

One theme that came up throughout the session: confidence in youth sport isn't only built through results. Several parents on the call shared stories of children who'd lost some of their spark after moving into more competitive environments — less game time, more comparison, more self-doubt.

Stewart's approach starts with reconnecting kids to what enjoyment actually feels like. He often asks young athletes what playing their best looks and feels like — and the answers are rarely about scoreboards. Two teenagers he works with both landed on the same idea: "playing free" and "having fun."

Helping your child identify and name that feeling for themselves gives them something concrete to return to — a self-talk anchor for the harder days.

Where to From Here

A few small things you could try this week:

• Ask your child: "What do you need from me when it comes to your sport?"
• Work together on a personal reset cue — something physical or verbal — for the moments a game starts to spiral.
• Write down a pre-game routine together, so they feel a little more in control before they start.

A huge thank you to Stewart McCully and Next Level Elite for such a generous, practical session. If you'd like to explore mindset coaches and mentors near you, you can browse CoachMap's directory.